You and Matthew

Dear Aaron,

Yesterday was Matthew's birthday. The two of you played and laughed together so much. Now he's in Wisconsin and you're in Heaven. You wear one of the shirts he gave you in the picture on your gravestone, in your funeral program, and in my Facebook profile picture. 

But you two are a pair! The smiles and laughter you both freely give. I can't wait to see the shenanigans you guys pull off on those golden streets. 

Days are getting shorter now. The sun isn't quite up yet when I get up, and it sets sooner too. School starts in three weeks for Alpine School District. I should be expecting a phone call in a couple weeks telling me who your bus driver is and what time you'll be picked up and dropped off. After you left, I would sometimes see your bus driver coming up the road if I left at the right (or wrong?) time. 

Joseph and Sarah get here tomorrow and Michael speaks on Sunday. Empty nest day is coming closer and closer. 

And I got a bill this week for some of your medication; a bill I spent hours on the phone clearing up a year ago, and then again in January. They tell me it's "taken care of now" but I have heard that before. In January, the representative told me she would do a "one time courtesy credit, but only one time". I had already told you had passed, so I informed her that since you were dead, it was not likely that I would be asking for it again. But I guess she never actually put it in, so I got the bill. It's frustrating.

Anyway, there has been good news, too. Things that I don't want to share because it's too private, too sacred. So I cling to that. It simultaneously comforts me and breaks my heart. 

I love you, Aaron. I am so grateful for you. It's hard to believe it's been seven months since I held you, since your heart stopped, and somehow, inexplicably, mine kept going. 

I miss you.

Love, 
Mama 

"Smile ... it makes people wonder what you're up to."

- Jill Shalvis