Dear Aaron,
As I sit on the porch of a mountain cabin and try to write to you on my cellphone, I'm drawn to the contrast of what life was like during your life. Birds are chirping, a hummingbird flits around, and the wind rustles through the trees.
Facebook reminds me of those times: happy times, scary times, and times I mourned for friends. Times filled with beeps and tears, joy and pain.
Fifteen years ago yesterday your echo read "normal cardiac function." After being rushed to the PICU in heart failure a few days earlier, I think you could have powered the whole hospital on my joy and excitement!
A year later, you went in emergently for your second lip repair due to a massive hematoma that we initially thought was a significant infection. Having received the news that the full repair had been done instead of needing to leave the wound open with drains, I walked into the PICU and realized my body's reaction to the smells and sounds I was hearing. It was the first time I wasn't so focused on getting to you that the sensations registered in my conscious brain. I felt an immediate tightness, and increase in my own heart rate.
And then the next year it was my friend's son, the little boy who lived only a couple miles to the west of us, who lay so still, so fragile, and on the cusp of his own journey back Home.
And then on through the years, until you left and now I'm here with the girls from church, and we have grandbabies in our life. Linnaea is the only one with her own memories of you, but the rest will know you through pictures and stories.
And now you experience it all. The camping, the sunrises and sunsets. Do you fly with the hummingbirds? I see so many this morning. Or scamper with the chipmunk that just ran across the porch?
Do you children that came to teach us in your tattered bodies with perfect souls get together and look down at us, sending love along heartstrings that are still so strong?
We miss you.
I miss you.
Love,
Mama
"Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads."
Henry David Thoreau