It's been busy around here, but when hasn't it been? Aaron's doing well, as well as can be expected with weather changes and asthma and such, but you know. He's pretty good.
School, work, breathing treatments, meals (somehow the people in this house seem to want to eat, every day!) laundry, soccer (indoor), lessons. It's a lot, but okay. Busy is good.
And then something happened that threw the wheel into overdrive, and me going head over heels. It's not my story, so I can't share it. But it really threw me for a loop. You know the feeling.
You're running along, keeping up, but almost at the extent of what you have in you. And then with no warning, you're flying through the air, landing on the road, skidding along, and when you stop, you find yourself feeling all beat up, covered in road rash, wondering how on earth this all happened, and how to pick up the pieces.
And a car comes whizzing by and you barely roll out of the way, still shaking and trying to figure out how on earth to get yourself together again.
Yeah, it's all figurative, all in my head. But that's where I found myself yesterday. And all I wanted to do was crawl in bed, pull the covers up, and pretend that everything would just go away. But I can't do that. And it wouldn't help if I could. So I put on my big girl pants, got going, and got us over to the last choir practice before our performance tonight.
But I had Aaron with me (go figure, that kid still can't be left to take care of himself) and his wheelchair doesn't fit up on the stand where the choir is. So I sat in the first row and sang my parts from there. This little boy of mine reached for the music and gave me the sweetest smile. He waved his hand, with very small movements, in time with the music. And then we came to my favorite piece in the whole program: "Jesus Christ, the Apple Tree."
Funny, I was introduced to that song in 2009. The year I was pregnant and starting to get over morning sickness, and excited about this last special spirit that was coming to our home. I didn't have any idea yet of what lay ahead, just that we were going to be blessed again in the summer. When I found out in April that he definitely did have Trisomy 18, I told William that when he passed, I wanted to plant an apple tree, to remind me of the life and strength of Christ, who was the reason I was still able to get up in the morning and continue on.
So yesterday, as my soul was battered and worn, confused and hurt, almost at the very limits of what I could handle, the words touched me again, and frankly, I couldn't finish the song.