Somehow, I think we bargain with God that if we can just be all and do all, we can run faster than the diagnosis, than the challenge, keep ahead of it. It's not true, and deep down, we know it. But that doesn't stop us from trying, and it's also exhausting.
Anyway, so that's the background to this, where I've been, what's been going on inside this crazy, mixed-up brain of mine.
Then last night, I went on a mother-son date with Matthew to a Vocal Point concert. They're an A Cappella group from BYU that's really popular around here. If you remember The Sing-Off back in 2011, they had a very successful run there. Anyway, fabulous group of guys.
I love music, I love being with Matthew. I was all set for a really good time. And we did! I laughed so hard! If you want to experience it, I highly recommend their YouTube channel. What these guys can do with their voices is nothing short of amazing! You'd swear there had to some instrumentals, some back-up, but no, it's all them.
But here's the kicker, where this whole thing started off. While they did a lot of fun, popular, upbeat and even silly things, there were some very spiritual moments in there, too, usually preceded by an intimate look into a personal experience.
I can't remember what was said before "Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy," but that one hit home, deep down.
See, I think I've been trying to be a lighthouse, but that's not my role. I just need to keep the lower lights, the shore lights, on. I only have to do what I can. And as I sat there and thought about all those whose light has helped shape my own safe passage into the harbor, I'm amazed. My fellow trisomy moms, heart moms, trach and vent moms, other special needs parents. The staff at the hospital, our home nursing staff.
You know, when you combine a lot of smaller lights, they give off a great light. It illuminates the path, makes it clear, enlightens the mind. And I can do that, too. I can add my own small light. I can give a hug, encouragement, tell someone what I've learned and hope it helps them.
They also sang "Nearer My God to Thee." Another reminder of Whom it is that is the Lighthouse. And I am so grateful for His guidance every day, every hour, every minute, so grateful to know where my strength really comes from.
And after last night, I add nine other lower lights that help to guide my way. Thanks, guys. I don't know that you can ever know what you did for me and mine.
And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.
** I'm afraid I couldn't find a youtube version of them performing "Brightly Beams our Father's Mercy" but here you can at least hear a beautiful version of it.
You are a light. This inspires me. Love the image of lots of little lights together forming a big, bright light.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your comments. But I feel like all people should always give there all. It is easy when you start saying, I am okay with second place, to start falling into 3rd and 4th and so on. As you say in your blog description, in spite of your child's physical limitations. And expectations drs place on him, he still exceeds those expectations.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we should be content with second place, but I feel like some people use this idea to sell themselves short
Robert, I think you misunderstand. I'm not saying don't give it your all. I'm saying I need to realize Who it is that's really in charge. Yes, I absolutely must shine my light. But my Savior is the lighthouse, not me. The lower lights are also needed, and together, we illuminate the darkness. I'm not saying, "don't do your best" or "be content with mediocrity." That's never been my motto.
DeleteI agree Rebekah! I think it's a healthy and humbling thing to be running our race in life and recognize that we can't do it alone. When all is said and done it is Christ who has given us the capacity to run in the first place. I'm so thankful that we are responsible to run and finish our race and not be as fast as someone else. It's all about the journey and finishing. Also, interestingly, as I've learned recently on my jogs, it's actually sometimes easier to have that big jogging stroller of adversity with me. I didn't realize pushing the stroller was helping me until I attempted to run alone and didn't have anything to lean on or to catch my balance or give rest to my mind. Our kids and our family members (both seen and unseen) help us finish our races and make our journeys bareable! They make us stronger. They give us purpose. What could be seen as adversity can at times be the very thing that enables us to keep going. Maybe that's what Elder Bednar meant when he talked about the benefit of "the load." Love you Rebekah!!! You're amazing! Someday you and Aaron can teach me how to "run" like the true pros that you are. I'm honored to know you guys.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, or your name. But I wanted just to thank you for your inspiring words in this post. I am one of the nine members of Vocal Point. Posts like yours help me to remember what our music has done for others. It has certainly changed my life, and brought a purpose and happiness I couldn't have foreseen. It is true, God is the Lighthouse. It is all we can do to be His lower lights; however difficult that may be. But I have found that my trials become less difficult when I let my small light shine for others. Thank you for letting yours shine for me and so many more today. My heart goes out to you and your family. And we, as a group, will keep you and especially Aaron in our prayers!
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