It's been a little while since I wrote. I'm not sure why; I mean, it's certainly not because I haven't been thinking of you, missing you...
That's just part of me now, I think in some way in every minute, in every fiber of my being.
It's getting light earlier, and staying light later. The last few nights as I drive by to check on you, the lights on your grave are just coming on. The twilight deepens, the orange of evening lights up the dark mountains on the west side of the valley, and there's a beautiful bright star just to the west of you. My guess it is really Venus, but hey, to my uneducated eye, it's a bright, shiny, small pinprick of light.
Maybe kinda like you. I'm surrounded by memories of you, mementos of your life, your love.
The longer days feel better, more comforting, but I cried on the way home from work yesterday for the first time in a while.
I talked to Michael today. Do you also hang out with him? Are you serving alongside of him? It's pretty quiet here now. Except Sunday evenings, there's not much happening in the house. The fridge stays full for a long time and food has taken over your spot on the lower left side of the fridge. But I can still see your things there in my mind.
I go grocery shopping about once a week, but there's not much in my basket anymore. It's strange, this new life. Adjusting to our "new normal" with you was a whole lot more intense, time consuming, energy demanding. But I think this one challenges my mind more, twists my heart.
I miss your laughter, your smiles, your silliness.
I miss the memories we won't make anymore.
I miss the me I was before.
I miss you.
Love,
Mom
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