I'm not sure what to even say. I think I'm kinda numb today.
I did finish one of the baby blankets and got the other one started, which I guess is good.
I bought the yarn for Barrett's blanket back in November, just before you were discharged, the week before Thanksgiving, but somehow I just couldn't get it started.
And then when I did, after you left, I realized it was the same yarn I used for your blanket, which brought its own challenges.
I tried, Aaron, I really did. But somehow out of the 25 granny squares (13 of them with teddy bears), I only managed to get seven done. And those were plain ones. It seemed like I would do anything except work on the blanket.
So I gave myself grace and decided that maybe it wasn't the time for this particular blanket.
Today I finished the one for Jonny and Avanlee and started Barrett's. I kinda feel bad. Barrett is almost 5 weeks old, but I'm hoping to finish it this weekend. And it's kinda a fun pattern and colors. I think he'll like it.
Someone came and drove your minivan today. It's hard to let that go, but at the same time, I really hope it gives another person the freedom to get out and about that you enjoyed so much. It's really the last big thing of yours that I still have...
It's been eight weeks. It's starting to not be quite as strange, at least all of the time, but sometimes it still knocks me to my knees. Today while I was out getting the new yarn, I also picked up pansies and a butterfly to put on your grave. When I got there, someone had left a stone heart on your marker. It feels good to know that others are also remembering you.
Love you, little man. Rest easy.
Miss you so much...
"Your memory feels like home to me. So whenever my mind wanders, it always finds its way back to you."
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