It wasn't coming home that I lost it tonight, it was after I got here.
I managed to keep myself distracted on the trip home, but then once I got here I needed to get things cleared out.
Bless Jonny and Avanlee; they did a lot in getting your bed taken down and all the toys that still were hanging. The lights, the stethoscopes, all of it.
I moved your stuffed animals upstairs to the closet where they can stay until I figure out what I'm doing with them.
I washed your sheets and your blanket, finally. But not the hospital gown. I don't know that I'll ever wash that. But your blanket was needing to be washed even before you left. So I did, and I cried.
Jonny was in there and just put his arms around me, and when I said I missed you so much, he said, "me, too."
"Me, too." Those two little words held so much for me.
Somehow time is marching on. And I guess that's how it's supposed to be. It's February 1st. We've now had a full calendar month that you were not here for; the first month in which you were not alive for any of it. Sometimes, sometimes I wish time could just pause and the world could recognize that an amazing, wonderful, beautiful soul is no longer here.
Tomorrow is the ribbon cutting for the new hospital. I wish you were here to be with me there.
I love you.
That grief will go on, but the love goes on too.
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