It was a weird weekend, kinda time warp-y.
Saturday I went to a birthday party for JoJean Loflin. She's Andrea's mom. Drea, Sorena, Tara and I were super tight in Alaska until I moved away between freshman and sophomore years. There weren't many weekends where the four of us actually slept in our own beds; we were almost always at each other's house. At least that's the way I remember it. So I saw her mom a lot.
She's 85 now and actually doesn't look a whole lot different than I remember her, and we're all older than she was when I knew her. I couldn't find Drea at first but then she turned around and I saw her smile. I knew that smile. It's been over 40 years since we spent a lot of time together, but I still knew it.
Then last night and today, I went to honor another mom. Onalee Wood was mom to four friends; Stacy and Laurie are a year older than me, Michelle is my age, and Brian a year younger. When we moved from Alaska to New Jersey, their dad was our stake president. And man, was their family fun!! They took Aunt Maurie and I under their wing and we spent a lot of time there. She passed away last Tuesday, and once again, we "children" are all older than she was the last time I saw her much.
But seeing people from the past makes me feel like not much time has gone by, certainly not 35-40 years! How did we get to be the older ones? The grammas and grampas?
Kinda like, how are you gone? How is my mom? Where did the time go and why can't I turn it back? Back to when we were all so young and innocent and the world lay before us just waiting for us to go out and conquer it?
I mean, I sorta guess I wouldn't turn it back even if I could. I think I've grown . . . I don't know, maybe wiser? I hope more loving and tolerant. Maybe more forgiving. But that growth comes through pain and I don't like pain. It hurts!
Oh, I miss you.
Someone said to me last week that they couldn't even imagine losing a child and I hope I wasn't too curt when I said, "Don't, don't even try. You can't. It's impossible. Even when you know it's coming, it is beyond imagining. Spare yourself, just don't." I mean, she's an amazing woman and she has experienced a lot of challenges (and growth) with her own childrens' journeys. But like I told her, until you actually go through it, it is completely unimaginable, and completely soul wrenching.
So this weekend, celebrating one mom's birthday and another mom's life, seeing old friends that I haven't seen in person in way too many years, well, time seems strange. I'm so grateful to know that even though we have to say goodbye in this life, it's really a "see you later" even though "later" seems so very far away. As I drove to the funeral, music was playing and I found myself reviewing the words to a hymn.
You and Gramma and Sister Wood have finished your race; you've proven worthy; you've gone Home. We miss you but I know we'll see you again.
I put out Valentine's decorations at your grave last week. I hope you like them. You gave so much love, you taught love, I think you were all about love.
And I love you.
Love,
Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment