Memorial Day Weekend

Dear Aaron,

It's Memorial Day weekend, which means I don't work tomorrow.

Or at least I don't go to work tomorrow. I'm hoping to finally get some yard work done I've been putting off for about two months. Ya know, I do a pretty good job growing weeds, and grass inside the flower beds... Oh well.

There's also a ceremony at the cemetery tomorrow morning. I used to go before you were born but I don't think I've made it for the past 14 years. We've got a lot of veterans in the family, although none are buried here. When we lived in San Diego, the scouts placed flags at the gravesites in the military cemetery. A touching sight as silently dozens of youth moved through the area and flags almost seemed to materialize out of nowhere in the morning sun. 

Yesterday we spent all day delivering flowers to various cemeteries in Salt Lake county and then north to Logan where much of Daddy's family is, and where you'll go when either Daddy or I come to join you. 

But for now, you're here, close by, where I come see you every day. 

We put flowers at your site, yellow for joy, red for your favorite color, and white for innocence and purity. And of course pansies. And lots and lots of butterflies... 

When we went by, your pinwheels were spinning in the wind. Were you there? Were you with us? 

And then at home, a hummingbird was at the feeder. It kept zipping in and out. It shows up each evening, right about the same time we used to do all your meds and treatments.

Are you trying to tell me "hi?" 

This morning I found myself waiting for Michael to come down before I got in the shower so he could listen for....   I don't know what. I was thinking I needed him to listen for you, but you're not here. It still sometimes catches me off guard. And at night, the silence still rings in my ears. Never before have I considered the sound that the absence of sound makes, but it echos... 

My child, how precious you are, what a teacher. I am a much better person that I was before you came. It still hurts; I suspect it always will. 

I know this weekend is to remember our veterans, and they are worth remembering. But you were also a warrior who battled to help others live. I wasn't your only student; so were the doctors and therapists and other staff, friends, family, neighbors near and far. Your influence goes on. 

“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.”

- JRR Tolkien