So much, just soooo much.
It kinda seems to run in circles.
There's the whole "flu shot debate." Except in this house, it's not a debate. It's a "get it or we'll see ya in May". I know, I've heard it all. Believe me, and I've listened. But somewhere, somehow, you have to decide who to listen to. I've chosen to listen to those who have spent time studying the human body and how it works, over many, many years, and what causes problems for it. I've chosen to look at history. (Flu pandemic of 1918 estimated to have infected 500 million, 1/3 of the population world wide, and killed 20-50 million.) And I've chosen to watch how flu has affected the healthy members of our family, and how "just as cold" has affected Aaron.
|Snug as a bug in a rug at marching band.
Then there was Aaron a few years ago. We ended up in a Lifeflight and sicker than I've ever seen him, EVER. And he had a cold. Yeah, rhinovirus.
There's a lot of information about cold vs flu, but this year I found some articles (yeah, I'm a medical junkie) about the WHY they're different. Basically, what it boils down to is the areas they are comfortable in and attack.
|God is an incredible artist.
The flu on the other hand, binds to lower receptors, the ones found down in your lungs. And often, it finds those by the alveoli and causes trouble there. The alveoli are where the oxygen exchange takes place. Unhappy alveoli leads to lack of oxygen transfer. See the problem?
And this year is forecast to be an especially bad year. Sigh...
Then there's the heart cath we have coming up this week. On Thursday. Not that I'd forgotten, in fact at any point in the last couple weeks I could tell you exactly how many days, but a stark reminder came when I heard from the cardiology nurse asking if I thought we should be admitted the night before, or just wanted to come in the day of. That in and of itself is telling. Only with the most critical patients, the most complex, do they offer to admit beforehand. In fact, this was a first for us even.
No, I think we'll wait until morning. You know, one more good night's sleep in my own bed. And besides, it's more of the during and after that has my anxiety ramped up. This is the same cath that we were supposed to do in August. It's the one where it's possible that his pressures might have been reduced, giving us the outside chance of maybe someday repairing his heart. Given recent (and not so recent) history, I'm going to be happy if it hasn't gotten worse. But I guess we'll find out.
Then there's the whole part where he hasn't done as well following anesthesia for the past couple years. And the "lovely" weather and all the smoke haze. And, and, and...
Yep, not sleeping so well right now.
But I'm not going to give in. I'm going to put on my big girl panties and be grateful for what we do have. We have a child whose smile lights up the world! And he is still here, with us, more than seven years after his birth. We have other kids who are doing amazing things to help those around themselves, who are compassionate and hard working. We have a home and some wonderful nurses who care for and love Aaron, almost as much as we do. And we have a family that has been tied together with eternal bonds.
Wave of Light. This is where people across the world light candles from 7-8 pm, wherever they are, to allow a wave of light across the globe to remember the little ones who've gone on before us. You would be surprised if you knew how many have survived this. It may be your sister, your mom or grandma, your neighbor, your coworker, your teacher. Infant loss is still a taboo subject in our culture, but it doesn't have to be. Reach out, love someone, show them you care. You can even participate in a digital wave by taking a picture of your candle between 7 and 8 your time and posting it on Twitter or Facebook and using the hashtag #WaveOfLight.
Like I said, there's a lot on my mind. In fact, there's a lot more, too. Children (older than infants) who have passed recently, people I come into contact with that don't think they can ever "be enough", etc, but I won't go into that now, maybe another time. I think I've rambled enough here. Just remember, you are important, you are special, and so is everyone around you.