I Know That My Redeemer LIves

I've been struggling lately, a lot.  I have struggled with work, with home, with meals, housework, Aaron's cares, basically anything that falls under time management stuff.  I've struggled with it.  And I have not been happy, content.  Yeah, struggling with that, too.  And of course because that can't be enough, I know intellectually, that I have been very blessed.  But I haven't been feeling that either, so let's throw in some guilt, just to spice things up a bit.  Did I mention I've not been happy?

Today was Fast Sunday.  One the first Sunday of the month, Mormons go without food (fast) for two meals and try to draw closer to the Lord by feeding our spirits more.  But sometimes, that natural, physical (hungry) person gets in the way.  In an effort to help focus our fast better, the past two months I've written on a white board, "It's Fast Sunday.  For what purpose are you fasting?"  And then I leave space for people to write.  As I did that last night, I pondered on what my soul needed, and I felt like crying to my Heavenly Father, "I need comfort.  I need to be content with the blessings that I have.  I need to feel thankful again." And so I wrote that down at the top of my list.

And once again, my Father has let me know that He does love me, that He does hear me, understand me and cares even for my whiny, ungrateful, hurting self.

I went to another ward meeting today, like I have been most of the winter, so that I could take the sacrament and then go home and be with Aaron while William and the kids go to our meetings.  I've just found that I'm a better me when I get to renew those covenants I made when I was baptized.  I sat there, waiting for the meeting to start, spoke with a couple people, and started singing the opening hymn when it began.

That hymn?  I Know That My Redeemer Lives.  And I do know He lives.  Those words spoke so much comfort to my soul.  It was a direct answer to my prayer.  My Savior and Heavenly Father are intimately involved in my life and the lives of all of us.  They want nothing more than to reach out and comfort us.  I felt my guilt at not being grateful enough swept away by the message in the second verse.

He lives to comfort me when faint.  He lives to hear my soul's complaint.  He lives to silence all my fears.  He lives to wipe away my tears.  He livest to calm my troubled heart. He lives all blessings to impart.

Then we moved on to the third verse.

He lives, my kind, wise heav'nly Friend.  He lives and loves me to the end.  . . .   He lives and grants me daily breath.  He lives, and I shall conquer death.

Oh, how grateful I am for my Friend.  And so very grateful for the daily breath He grants me, not just me, but Aaron as well.  For every one of those sweet breaths that Aaron has been give over the last almost 33 months.  But not only are Aaron's breaths daily gifts, so are each one of our breaths.  And when those breaths cease, it is still not the end.  Because of His gift, His love, we can conquer death and live again.

Spring is coming, new life, new hope, rebirth.  The world will be green again after winter's long sleep.  Like the earth, we will also be given new life through the resurrection.  I am so grateful not only to know this, but today, to be feeling it again.

No, my challenges aren't going to be taken away.  I'm still trying to figure out how to cram about 28 hours worth of activity into each 24 hours.  It's not working yet.  But I know that through my greatest challenges come my greatest blessings.  And with His help, if I ask for His help, I'll find my way.

I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live: 

I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.  

My meditation of him shall be sweet: 

I will be glad in the Lord.  

Psalm 104:33-34