Things have been going quite well for us here lately. Aaron got his first bath in the big bathtub this week, thanks to some wonderful friends who gave us a bath seat their daughter had outgrown. He wasn't sure at first, then he decided it might be okay. He's got this wiggle-scoot thing he does in his bed all the time where he moves himself down. Well, he tried it a couple times in the tub. I tried to tell him it was a BAD IDEA to be trying to scoot off the chair. He ignored me. The last time I pushed him back up, he busted up in laughter. It was so funny! And so much fun to be playing "normal" games with him.
And then yesterday came. My book club meets once a month on Thursdays. Thursdays around here are usually beyond crazy. I honestly am having a hard time remembering when the last time I made it, probably last December.
But Aaron also needed his bi-weekly trach change, his monthly circuit change and his daily g-tube and trach cares. No problem. I've got 30 minutes. We'll just whip through all these, wash the trach and be on my way. As I was gathering supplies, I was remembering how much I hated, dreaded the trach cares when we first brought him home. Even trying to change his dressing and ties freaked me out. So much so that I would often put it off, or have the nurse do it. But now, it's just snip-snap, done. And trach changes are pretty similar. G-tube and circuit? No problem. So I was feeling pretty good about things.
But you know what they say about pride. I really don't know what happened, what was different. But something sure was. I got the old trach out, no problem, but he wasn't having anything to do with the new one going in. Um, not a good thing. In fact, very bad. Like no breathing kind of thing. And he cried. I miss his voice. I really do miss hearing him, but that cry just broke my heart. And I COULDN'T GET IT IN!! I hollered for help, NOW, and William came quickly. He got there just as I decided that the trach WAS going in. The other option, the reason I wanted him quickly, was that I was ready to use our back-up, smaller trach and deal with it once we had an airway again.
Well, I got it in, William took it (so it wouldn't come back out), cranked the oxygen as I noticed he was now at 66%. Aaron was just heartbroken. We got everything cleaned up and put back together, and he had a rocking time with Daddy. I decided to put off the rest of his cares and his circuit change until after I got home from book club. By the time I was ready to to, he was back to his happy little self, and back where he belonged oxygen-wise.
I just hate hurting my little man, even when I'm not trying to and I'm doing some thing necessary. It just doesn't ever get easy to do that.
On a more positive note, he had labs today, and we got them with just one stick and no tears. And I have a surgery date for my shoulder, October 24th.
My pride fell with
my fortunes.
William Shakespeare
No comments:
Post a Comment