I'm struggling.
This is hard.
It hurts.
And I don't know quite why today feels so different than other recent days.
Maybe it's the unmet expectations I have for myself. I look around and there's so much I want to get done... And then I sit. Or like today, I get stuck in traffic, both going and coming! Guess I need to be grateful I was the one stuck behind the wrecks and not part of them.
And I'm anxious, too. I finished my hours to be able to take my licensing exam and registered for that on Monday. I'm simultaneously excited and terrified, but it's coming, four weeks from today.
And you brought me here. Somehow I feel like you should be here celebrating with me.
Are you?
Is Gramma?
I dreamed of her the other night. She was so young and vibrant. Her hair was so dark, her skin clear and bright. She was sitting on a bed playing with and taking care of some small children, but I didn't really notice them. I was distraught, upset, and told her this was too much, too hard, and I was so tired of doing everything.
And gently she replied, "I know, honey. I know."
Oh, I wish you could take pictures of dreams. I want to hold onto that image. It was so clear, so real.
And once I woke, so gone.
I miss you two so much.
Love you even more.
Love,
Mama
If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.”
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