A year ago you had one week left at home.
A year ago tomorrow was the last time some of your siblings saw you alive.
I had no idea what was coming, which was probably good.
It was a good week, a happy week, a laughing, playful, enjoyable week. A week where I looked forward to the Christmas break and a slowing down of life. The house was decorated and I anticipated sitting in the evening, watching you enjoy your penguin lights flashing on and off, and your smaller lights cycle slowly over the next several weeks.
I was trying to get all my billable hours in at work to be able to take the time off work between Christmas and New Years.
I was looking forward to getting the family all together for Christmas.
That's not what happened, and I miss my innocence.
I'm grateful we had those last few days of joy.
But now, now my body and my brain keep replaying....
Only one week left at home.
Only three more weeks here on earth.
And just like that, the tsunami washes over me.
I have to keep going, keep seeing clients, do my own Christmas shopping, and somehow continue to process you being gone when all I want to do is crawl in bed and sob and pretend the world doesn't exist.
Oh Aaron....
Love,
Mama
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