Somehow, I think we bargain with God that if we can just be all and do all, we can run faster than the diagnosis, than the challenge, keep ahead of it. It's not true, and deep down, we know it. But that doesn't stop us from trying, and it's also exhausting.
Anyway, so that's the background to this, where I've been, what's been going on inside this crazy, mixed-up brain of mine.
Then last night, I went on a mother-son date with Matthew to a Vocal Point concert. They're an A Cappella group from BYU that's really popular around here. If you remember The Sing-Off back in 2011, they had a very successful run there. Anyway, fabulous group of guys.
I love music, I love being with Matthew. I was all set for a really good time. And we did! I laughed so hard! If you want to experience it, I highly recommend their YouTube channel. What these guys can do with their voices is nothing short of amazing! You'd swear there had to some instrumentals, some back-up, but no, it's all them.
But here's the kicker, where this whole thing started off. While they did a lot of fun, popular, upbeat and even silly things, there were some very spiritual moments in there, too, usually preceded by an intimate look into a personal experience.
I can't remember what was said before "Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy," but that one hit home, deep down.
See, I think I've been trying to be a lighthouse, but that's not my role. I just need to keep the lower lights, the shore lights, on. I only have to do what I can. And as I sat there and thought about all those whose light has helped shape my own safe passage into the harbor, I'm amazed. My fellow trisomy moms, heart moms, trach and vent moms, other special needs parents. The staff at the hospital, our home nursing staff.
You know, when you combine a lot of smaller lights, they give off a great light. It illuminates the path, makes it clear, enlightens the mind. And I can do that, too. I can add my own small light. I can give a hug, encouragement, tell someone what I've learned and hope it helps them.
They also sang "Nearer My God to Thee." Another reminder of Whom it is that is the Lighthouse. And I am so grateful for His guidance every day, every hour, every minute, so grateful to know where my strength really comes from.
And after last night, I add nine other lower lights that help to guide my way. Thanks, guys. I don't know that you can ever know what you did for me and mine.
** I'm afraid I couldn't find a youtube version of them performing "Brightly Beams our Father's Mercy" but here you can at least hear a beautiful version of it.