It's your Jonny's birthday. And he's got two little ones of his own now.
I spent Thursday at BYU watching him and Deborah dance, and being with Linnaea and Barrett, and Elend and Sterling. Somehow, those four kids help heal my heart a little. And watching how your siblings have grown and are such amazing individuals does as well.
Jonny and Deborah love those high school kids so much. They pour their hearts into those teams. And I got to sit back and watch. A truly amazing experience.
Friday I spent here at home with Linnaea and Barrett. There's a tummy bug going around and it was Barrett's turn. He was so miserable, and Linnaea was still trying to get over it. We binge watched "Bluey" and just rested. Another balm for my soul.
And then today, today I took your pulse/ox over to a neighbor who is needing oxygen, hopefully only for a short time, but also had no real way of tracking it while sleeping. I'm so grateful for the things you taught me, for the training, and for the ability to use that to bless other people's lives now that you don't need it anymore. I went by to see you after and as I told you about it, I started crying again.
Oh, Aaron, I miss you so much!
I did my nails today and chose blue and butterflies because Trisomy 18 day is on Tuesday. I'll be wearing blue for you that day.
You know, sometimes I really am okay with you being gone, with Gramma being gone. Honestly. And then it seems that acceptance and peace is followed a short time later with gut-wrenching pain again.
I heard something the other day that really hit hard:
When I die, bury me in comfortable clothes and make sure my shoes are tied tight. I have a long overdue playdate with a child.
I watch your niece and nephews play and it simultaneously fills and yet breaks my heart. What a blessing they are, what a blessing your siblings are, and what a blessing you are.
Oh, Aaron...
Love,
Mama
"A brother's love is a blessing. Forever will it remain."
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