October 15.
Deborah's birthday and the Wave of Light fall on the same day. Trying to honor my first baby and my last. (And my only kids with dimples. 😊)
Every year on this day...
So many images through my mind.
The mountains.
The rain.
Your grave.
Your pictures.
Candles.
The temple in the evening light.
Last weekend we had the remnants of a tropical storm come through. In reality, although we did get a lot of rain (so needed!) the wind really didn't do much here. But I didn't know it wouldn't so Michael and I went by your grave and took the flowers down.
Then Monday night I went by in the darkening evening and was worried that there was nothing there. I couldn't understand why there was nothing for you. A couple weeks ago was a big cemetery cleanup and I picked up everything then so it wouldn't get thrown away, but I put it back. I'd forgotten that we took it down again.
So Tuesday I went back and fixed it.
That felt better.
The wave of light.
Candles lit from 7-8 pm in every time zone. A wave of light over the earth in remembrance of all the babies we never held, the ones we held only for a short time, and like you, the ones we held for longer than we thought but still too little.
It's now after 8, but I don't think I'm ready to blow them out yet.
Missing you my boy.
Love you,
Mama
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