Thursday, July 11, 2024

I Wasn't Ready...

Dear Aaron, 

I stopped by to see you tonight and sat with you for a bit. A little white butterfly fluttered in and about the headstones. It came by a couple of times, just flitting nearby. 

Was it you brushing by to say hi? 

A cousin's daughter is really sick. I only met her daughter once and that was over 10 years ago, but my heart breaks for the grown up little girl I remember playing with at Nana and Papa's, and at our home in Colorado. I pray for healing but it may not come in the way we hope for.

Are you close by? I'm sure Nana and Papa are pretty busy with her and with Gramma. Do the three of you wrap arms around them, and us?

You understand so well the rigors of medical treatments, and I guess, the sweet release when they're over. 

But the agony of those who stay behind...

I miss you, kiddo. 

It's so hot right now, but already I sense days are getting shorter, darker. We have many wonderful celebrations coming up: weddings (3 of your cousins), Michael's farewell, birthdays, and school starting in a month. 

But this year, for the first time since 1996, we don't have anyone catching a bus, or walking to school. No back to school nights, no first day of school pictures. 

It's strange. 

I don't think I like it.

I wasn't ready. 

I miss you,
Mama

"What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us." 

–  Helen Keller

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