15 Years and One Day

Dear Aaron,

So many thoughts...

You turned 15 yesterday, at least in earth years. I have no idea how birthdays are counted in heaven. But if you came to earth to gain a body, a principle part of progression, I think it's still appropriate to celebrate that in heaven as well. I hope you did.

We had pizza and cake and ice cream. Daddy thought that was an appropriate celebration meal for a 15 year old boy. Linnaea blew out your candles, but there wasn't the "one to grow on" that we always put on, a tiny bittersweet tug at my heart. 

We put balloons at your spot on Thursday night and I went by again Friday morning. I'm glad I did. I  figured that especially the latex ones wouldn't hold helium well, so I tied them to a dowel along with the Happy Birthday balloon. Well, I was right. When I went by again last night, the red, yellow and blue ones were sagging and pretty sad. Your minions were bopping along just happy as could be. But your Happy Birthday balloon seems to have broken loose and gone for a ride.

Did it come find you? Did you get to play with it?  

On your first birthday, Daddy read a poem (because I couldn't do it through tears) about balloons and then we released hundreds. This year, I want to believe that one special balloon reached out to you? 

Where do balloons go Mommy, when you set them free? 

Do they float into the clouds or get stuck in a tree?

Do they fly high in the sky or get popped by a bee?

Do they soar with the birds and the bugs in he air?

Or stay close to the ground and get chased by a bear?

Does the wind blow them out over the big blue ocean?

Or do the climb up and over small hills and big mountains?

Do they go into space and circle the stars?

And fall back to earth after traveling so far?

Or does GOD collect them all in a big bouquet...

And give them to the children in Heaven each day?

Where do balloongs go Mommy, when you set them free?

I hope they go to Heaven .... As a gift from Me!

Ann Deane

Today I found a rainbow streak on the wall outside my room and smiled as I touched it. You touch so many lives, you are so loved. As time moves on, (77 weeks today) I know you fade from more and more people's thoughts. But you're never far from mine. And there were those who reached out yesterday; a few family members and some nearby friends, but overwhelmingly it was other medical mamas, and angel mamas. 

We know, we carry our angels in our hearts. You are always part of me. 

Love you, little man.

Love,
Mama

"The soul, light as a feather, fluid as water, innocent as a child, responds to every movement of grace like a floating balloon."

 - Jean-Pierre de Caussade