If/Then

Apparently, the three amigos in his trach have decided they’re not going to play nice.  That or someone else has moved in, too.  He’s growing out at least 2 bugs, probably three, and in a larger amount than he should.  So right now he’s on IV antibiotics, but he’s also looking REALLY good.  He’s even down on only 1 liter of oxygen.  However, through the night, he was on a lot more.  The doctor thinks that he’s still bleeding down into his lungs which is what is causing the higher oxygen need.  Kinda hard to exchange oxygen when there’s blood in the way.  You know, a liquid and all…

 Anyway, IF he stays stable on his oxygen, and IF (probably the bigger “IF”) the ENT attending can be found and is willing to come take a look at the inside of his trach stoma (the hole in his neck that the trach passes through) and determine why he’s bleeding and what can be done about it, THEN we could possibly go home tonight.  Yeah, kinda a big if/then.  I’m really not counting on it all happening.  But we should be heading home tomorrow sometime.  By then they’ll know what exactly is growing out and it shouldn’t be as hard to find the ENT attending on a weekday. 

I went to church this morning.  It’s the first Sunday, so it was a Fast and Testimony meeting.  What a spiritual feast.  I am so grateful for the chance to take the sacrament and renew my baptismal covenants.  I’m so grateful for the opportunity to hear and share the testimonies of so many other parents who are also walking a painful and difficult road.  There, I saw another family whose husband and father has been part of Aaron’s life professionally.  But today, he was just a dad, there with his wife and little girl.  This is their first experience here as patients.  It’s a completely different ballgame, but one I know they’ll figure out how to play well.

I know my Savior lives and He is what makes it possible for us to make it through.  I am grateful for this journey.  It has taught me so much.  It has brought me so many new friends, both here who are physically involved in our lives, usually helping Aaron, and those I’ve come to know and love through the miracle of the internet.  But mostly, I am grateful for it because it has taught me so much more about myself and my Savior.  There is such a huge gap between my abilities and what needs to be.  But that’s okay.  Because Jesus makes up the difference.  As long as He is by my side, it will be okay.  Because in the end, it will be okay.  And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

Ye that fear the Lord, trust in the Lord: he is their help and their shield.

The Lord hath been mindful of us: he will bless us;

Psalms 115:11-12