Waffles and 25 Weeks

Elend saw this and said, "Baby!" Linnaea piped
up and said, "That's our Uncle Aaron!"

It started with wanting waffles this morning.

But I wasn't home; I had to go pick up something from Home Depot. And then when I got home, the kids (okay, mostly adult kids) were on their way out the door to meet up with Jonny & Avanlee's family to play disc golf. So I offered to do waffles when they got home and texed Jonny & Avanlee about it.  Then Linnaea came upstairs to see me, so I invited her family.  David called; I told him. I called Mary.

Deborah, Bronson, Linnaea and Barrett. Mary. David.  Jonny, Avanlee, Elend and Sterling. Joseph and Sarah. Andrew. Michael. (Matthew and Kensey are in Wisconsin and moving into their new apartment.) And you... 

Were you here, too? I saw a butterfly on your birthday, and the hummingbirds this morning. 

Underneath all of this, I'm missing you so bad!! Those gentle waves from Thursday are building strength, harder, faster, pushing me over.

Friday night into Saturday again...

On my way home last night, I wondered if it was possible this is a very bad, very long dream. (It's not.) Maybe you were waiting at home and I needed to hurry to sign Holli out. (You weren't, I didn't.) 

Honestly, I did know that, but for a brief moment, I wondered, and I hoped, and it knocked me down all over again. 

This morning I didn't even want to move. Last night, I didn't want to sleep. 

And then by noon, I was busy, making multiple batches of waffle batter, scrambling a couple dozen eggs. The noise level was pretty intense with lots of laughter and exclamations, punctuated by squeals from Elend and Linnaea and cries and coos from Barrett and Sterling.

It's relatively quiet again, and the waves have settled a little. They're still somewhat intense; still more than they were on your birthday.

It's been 25 weeks. 25 weeks! And while the sun is shining, it feels kinda dark here. 

Facebook is full of the memories, pictures, even some videos. Most years it took me a few days to post, which means this next week will be full. I cherish them, and am devastated that there will be no more.

We're working our way through the Harry Potter movies. In speaking to Harry about his parents, Sirius reminded him that those we love never really leave us.

Are you still here? Do you miss me, too? 

Love you so much,
Mama

"But know this; the ones that love us never really leave us."

J.K. Rowling