This morning I took your pinwheels over to your resting spot and put them in the flowers. You know, the ones that hung above your bed.
Tonight when I stopped after work, one was spinning, and then stopped and then spun again. I got out of the car to make sure the other could also spin freely (it couldn't) and felt the gentle breeze on my cheek.
Was that you? Did you send me kisses on the wind? I like to think so, and I smiled.
Yesterday at my physical, I think I made the doctor uncomfortable. I told him the last four-plus months have been really hard, grief is painful. He asked about my eating habits. definitely suboptimal. He asked about sleep, pretty rough. He asked about exercise, I laughed. He paused and asked if I was at least on an upward trajectory.
I mean, I guess...
I told him that I'm getting out of bed at a decent time most mornings. For the first several weeks, I would barely roll out 45 minutes before I was supposed to be at work, and that's almost 30 minutes away. So I guess I am??
Anyway, this morning as I looked around the cemetery (like I often do) I was thinking about the morning of the Resurrection. All those loved one gone on ahead... I imagine that cemeteries will be among the most joyful places ever with loved ones reuniting. What a wonderful, beautiful, sacred day that will be.
Sunday is Bereaved Mother's Day, and the memorial service for children who passed away in 2023. Kiddo, you almost missed this one. A week later and we would have been invited next year. But it's probably better this way. I mean, because of my work at Primary's I know about it. I've actually volunteered the last two years. So I would have been aware and also anticipating going the next year. I hope that by next year I'll be in a place to help again, but I know I'm not right now.
So those of us who are here and able will go on Sunday.
My little boy. You are such a blessing to so many, and I am so grateful to be your mom.
Missing you so much.
Love,
Mama
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