Monday Night

Hey Aaron,

I'm sitting at home alone again (Dad's still at work and Michael is with friends) except the dogs that just opened the back door and came in. Still haven't convinced them that they also need to shut the door...

Anyway, it's super quiet here. I can hear the ice maker clicking away, and sometimes the snick of Sophie's toenails on the tile. That's about it. No whirring of the concentrator, whoosing of the vent. Somehow I still listen for those in the silence. Even at night, I find my ears straining to hear, but only cars outside pass by.

Today's actually been a pretty good day. I mean, it's cloudy and rainy, but we did have some sunshiney days over the weekend, so that helped. 

And yesterday most of the kids were here for dinner, which meant so were Linnaea and Elend and Barrett. Oh, it feeds my soul to have your brothers and sisters, brother and sisters in law, and niblings here. We were just missing Joseph and Sarah, and Matthew and Kensey. And of course you. 

Yesterday in church, Michael bore a powerful testimony of how the Lord is in the details of our lives, and that sometimes when we think something should work out differently, it turns out for the best after all.  Because of a misunderstanding last month, he ended up not competing in a meet that he thought he would, and he had already given away his work shift. But that meant that he was able to go to the temple with some friends instead. And it wasn't just one temple he went to, it was three: Mt Timpanogos, Draper, and then Saratoga Springs. And while he was there, he took time to go to where we all stood for pictures after the tour, and remembered you. 

Aaron, he is so amazing, just like you. 

And I guess I'm trying to feel the same way about you leaving. I have faith in Father's plan, that this was what was needed, but I'm still not quite seeing the big picture, not yet.

I love you, Aaron. I don't know how I was so fortunate to have been blessed with so many amazing kids. Every single one of you are a blessing in my life. I am so grateful.

I miss you.

I love you even more.

Love,
Mama

"The death of a loved one is a sudden silence —
one of those deafening silences that leaves ringing in your ears."

~Terri Guillemets