I felt bad. I didn't realize he hadn't heard. But I guess that's part of the nature of working in a large hospital. Children die, and not everyone knows.
And then I also saw one of your favorite RTs, and an ED doctor that had helped you. I miss those people! I miss talking with them, working with them. I reached across the desk to grasp the RTs hand and she retorted, "Oh, no you don't! You get a real hug!" and came around to where I was.
Then I went to Michael's track meet. I haven't been able to get to one yet because they're always on Tuesdays, when I'm working. But JV Regional was today, so I could. He got his personal bests in all his events, and took 2nd in long jump!
He's amazing, and he misses you. He paints a blue ribbon on his arm and wears your initial around his neck. It's his ways of honoring you, of remembering you, of keeping you close. Do you lend him your wings? He was your legs, and voice during your life, do you now help him?
He told me later that his first jump, his longest ever, was 18'3", and figures it was because of you: three-18, Trisomy 18, you.
As I left the meet, I saw messages on the sidewalks. This one really spoke to me. I'm trying, Aaron, and there are times I can actually feel hope. And even when I don't, I have hope that I will feel it at some point again. So hoping for hope? Maybe?
Tonight Andrew went with me to the Mascot Miracle Foundation Night at the Aquarium. I saw friends, I gave and received hugs, I needed this. But oh, I miss you. We went a few times over the years and you loved it. You loved watching the jellyfish float slowly in the water, the sharks swim overhead in the tunnel, and the penguins diving off the rocks. And the music, the dancing, the people...
Yeah, I think I felt you with me today, especially at the hospital, which was wonderful, but you're still not here.
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| April 2023 Aquarium night |
I miss you, little man.
Love you so much.
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