Do I Dream of You?

Hey Aaron,

I wonder, do I dream of you and not remember?

Do you come and do we laugh and play?

Is that why mornings always feel so much better?

I only remember dreaming about you twice since you left, and it's been a long time. But then I don't remember much about my dreams anyway. And in the mornings, life looks pretty good. I have energy and optimism. It's still a bit hard to get out of bed, but that may also be because I don't have to (or get to) do an hour's worth of treatment and meds before I can start getting ready. 

And generally the day goes pretty well, although I do get tired. But then the evening comes.

And I drive home from work.

And I know you're not there at the end of the trip. 

But that's the odd part, too. I mean, you're not there in the morning either, but somehow that's not hard.

Your teacher sent me the slideshow they used to tell your classmates about you. Some of them also added their comments about how they missed sitting by you, and being with you in class. They said they were sad, and they liked looking at pictures of you. 

I miss sitting by you and being with you, and I like looking at pictures of you.  

It's hard. 

So if I do dream of you at night, and just don't remember, maybe that's okay. I know you still love me, and I still love you. 

And it's that love that carries me. 

“Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality.”

— Emily Dickinson